if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
