i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
