I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
id be glad to
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
