How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I would ride that face into the sunset
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
