She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
