i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
