So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize
