i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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