He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
