he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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