oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
