What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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