If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
