I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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