Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
