I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
