New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
