i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
