Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
