there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
