i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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