It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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