Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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