farters have to be the big spoon...
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
