I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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