There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
