Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
