Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
