Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
