she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
