I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
