She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
