I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
