i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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