ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
