in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
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