He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
