he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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