You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
