You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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