I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
