I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
