At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
