I wish I could punch you in the face.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
