Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
