So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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