If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
