You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
