I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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