there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
