Please, let me fuck your mom
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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