No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
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