have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
where are you?
Hypothermia
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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