Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
